3 Powerful Questions Spouses Ask Each Other
November 30, 2011 2 Comments
Inattention and disaffection are crippling to a marriage. Becoming “one flesh” is complicated by the exponential growth of responsibility over the years of our marriages. Before long, the urgent crowds out the important and our marriage relationship takes backseat to marriage business.
What follows are three questions that may refocus us on us by creating dynamic dialog that promotes the attention and affection we so often struggle to retain.
“Tell me about your day.”
When we ask our spouse to recount the events of their day, they will likely perceive interest and investment, attention. We all have a need to feel we are important to someone. And when we feel safe that someone is truly invested in us, we are more intimate with them. We are more likely to let them in…
Ask the question. Then, intently listen to the answer. Try not to multitask. Sit close. Hold hands. Focus on them. Ask brief clarifying questions. Make eye contact. Demonstrate attention and affection.
“Do you have a dream or goal you’d like to see realized in 2012? How can I support you?”
While marriage is a union, we do maintain a degree of individuality that is healthy and needs to be developed and fed. One of the greatest demonstrations of our love for our mate is to actively and regularly support them in their individual pursuits.
Whether our spouse wants to run a marathon or start a small business, our articulated and demonstrated support is energy to them and helps us share those dreams.
Lastly, a less frequent but incredibly affirming and substantial question is…
“What is one important area of our marriage you feel we can work together to improve upon? What first steps should we take?”
We don’t have to wait for our spouse to alert us to the weaknesses in our relationship. Neither should we assume we may always see what those weaknesses are. Ask.
Asking our mate to assess our marriage communicates a confidence in the marriage. It says “I’m interested and invested in us.”
By soliciting their counsel on “first steps”, we communicate a certain trust in their judgement and a respect for their perceptions. Trust and respect are critical to healthy intimacy.
Words are powerful. Creation was spawned by the words of our Creator, God. As his children, our words still form our worlds. We must use words wisely.
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