Know Thy Clitoris!

Ladies, the clitoris can be quite elusive to husbands and wives who haven’t fully explored their spouse’s or their own body. This little “joy button” deserves to be found.  Below is some info to improve your seeking skills!

In order to find the clitoris, you’ll want to look towards the top of the labia (the outer and inner skin folds of a woman’s vulva, or genitals), but stay below the pubic bone. The glans of the clitoris – similar to the head of a man’s penis, and even more sensitive – is the nodule you can see when a woman is not aroused and is located between the inner folds of the vulva (labia minora), at the top. The clitoris is just the tip of a branching interior system of erectile tissue that extends towards the vaginal opening. This tissue responds to sexual arousal by filling with blood and becoming harder and erect. As you become aroused, your clitoris will actually swell and retract underneath the clitoral hood, a flap of skin that is part of your labia minora. The size and shape of the clitoris varies from woman to woman, although its location remains pretty consistent.

The clitoris is the focus of pleasure sensation for most women and is usually the place that, when stimulated, will bring her to orgasm. Identifying the clitoris may or may not be difficult to do by touch, but paying close attention to your reactions can help you and hubby figure out if you’re in the area and/or touching in ways that you enjoy. If you’re comfortable, talking with your husband is a sure-fire way to help him and you find and stimulate your pleasure zones. Show him your clitoris. Share with him how you like to be touched or how you touch yourself. Or you can put your hand on top of his to guide him. Have fun exploring one other’s bodies – if it’s embarrassing, just remember his (and your) knowledge is your pleasure!

Clitoris outer anatomy.gif

Once the clitoris is found, it can be stimulated in many different ways – by rubbing, sucking, applying pressure, or using a vibrator or a dildo. Again, communication is key here because, although some women like direct touching on the glans of the clitoris, other women find direct touching hurts. Using a water- or silicone-based lubricant can ease friction (and add fun for you and him), but some women still find the glans to be too sensitive for direct touch. Further, focusing directly on the clitoris for too long can cause pleasurable sensations to disappear. So instead, try having dear husband rub you on one or both sides of your clitoris, or wetting his fingers and rubbing them around and over your clitoris. He may gently rub or pull the clitoris itself, or rub the hood or a larger area around the clitoris. He can use one finger, then try several. Have him try different kinds of pressure and timing. And most importantly, you should both pay attention to your reactions and you should, initially, give directions for guidance.

While the female genitalia may have many wonders, it need not be an enigma. Seek, touch, whisper, show, and you shall find.

You may be afraid of having this conversation with your husband.  Start the conversation off by making it clear that making love to him is a highlight in your relationship.  Have the conversation in the context of you wanting to try some different things.  You may even share with him that your body is in ‘transition’ and you are looking for new and exciting ways to heighten your pleasure.

You may be surprised at hubby’s reaction when you lovingly approach him.

Connect with on Facebook.  We want to be your married couples intimacy store!  Or visit, your married couples intimacy store.

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

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