Wives: Achieving Orgasm

The most frequently voiced frustration for us is that of wives who cannot achieve orgasm consistently.  We thought to share a few techniques to spark your own imagination and help you and dear husband know the ‘O’!  Let us begin.

[In school marm’s voice] In order to achieve climax, remove environmental barriers (lock your bedroom door to address fear of children walking in or such) or mental barriers (settle your mind and avoid thinking about bills, or plans for tomorrow).  This may require you spend time prior to intimacy resolving some things.  Achieving climax can be victim to things outside of the bedroom.  Those things need to be addressed in preparation to have the best opportunity for good sexual intercourse.

Note: If you have an extra sensitive clitoris (Did I catch you off-guard?), there are balms that are sold to help desensitize you.  In this case, direct clitoral stimulation should be avoided without a desensitizer. Husband should work around the hood of the clitoris.  For those whose clitoris may not be as sensitive or for whom arousal doesn’t happen as quickly, I recommend lubricant and or sensitizing balms that provide warmth and enhance stimulation.

Straight clitoral orgasm:

1. Use of his finger, a vibrating toy, OR his erect penis rubbed against or on the clitoris.  You already know this.  The thing to be aware of is how and when the stimulation happens.  If it is difficult for you to orgasm, the clitoris shouldn’t be the first place you all start.  What other parts of you produce arousal when touched?  Husband should start in these places first. Your neck, ears, back, inner thighs, the back of your knees and breasts/nipples are common places that create arousal when gently touched or stimulated.  If he goes slow and uses his hands to explore your body while stimulating other areas, might it help you be prepared for eventual orgasm?  I think so.  Try it.

2. Oral sex, again is a common form of direct clitoral stimulation.  And , again, how this is done makes the difference between just feeling good and ‘getting you off’!  In talking to women, one of the huge problems in oral sex is a lack of creativity on the husband’s part AND a lack of commitment to the act.  Come on, Dudes, you’ve got to commit!

Creativity.  For those of you who struggle to achieve orgasm, you’ll need more than your clitoris being licked!  You need his mouth to make love to your lady parts.  You may have to help him understand the principles of variations and indications

Variationsis what I call the pattern the tongue traces on your vulva (outer vagina) and what he does with his hands while this is happening.  Is he flicking his tongue up and down and side to side OR is he tracing designs over and around your clitoris?  Is he sucking the clitoris at times?  Does he suck your thighs and make sucking or slurping sounds as he goes down on you?

Commitment: You may also need him to give a greater effort.  What are his hands doing?  Beyond holding your legs open (you can do that, I think.), they should be exploring other areas of you like tweaking your nipples, softly raking along the inner thigh, or finger(s) inserted into the vagina gently searching for the sweet spot.  Does he actually stick his tongue into your vagina from time to time?  Is he making eye contact and listening to your moans/breathing?  Your verbal communication of pleasure, gives him the indications necessary to determine what works for you. These verbal indications direct his performance.  This is how you get your ‘O’.

Vaginal orgasm:

1. Woman on Top: This is a great sex position for those of you with husbands who orgasm quickly.  It can put you in control of pace and intensity.  When you are on top, the piston or up/down technique is good for him and may feel good to you but you may not climax that way.  This is because the head of his penis isn’t consistently stimulating that area known as the G spot.  In this position, however, you can vary the piston movement with a circular grind.  Move your hips slowly as you are sitting squarely on him.  Experiment to see if you are able to become stimulated through this movement.  You need to be aroused for this to really work.  It works as your clitoris engorges in excitement and swells beyond the clitoral hood.  Each time your clitoris rubs his shaft or pubic mound, you’ll feel it!

2. Missionary: This position can work for the same reason above.  It really depends on his angle of penetration.  He’ll have to enter you ‘higher’.  Rather than the standard penetration of eye to eye, you can cup his bottom in your hands and pull him in towards you causing the angle of penetration to change until you feel him stimulating your clitoris.

Certainly, he can stimulate your clitoris as you face him during the Woman on Top position.  Different things work for different women.  The key to consistently achieving orgasm is to understand our bodies, recognize which sexual approaches and techniques work best and being creative and playful. 

Don’t take it all too seriously.  Do be aware of successful choices so that you can repeat them!

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

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