Married Sex: Sexual Inhibitions Part I

 

In this three part series of posts, we’d like to share some strategies for dealing with sexually inhibited, introverted or repressed spouses.

 

The reasons are numerous as to why some spouses are intensely reluctant to openly share their sexual thoughts and desires…or to respond to yours! Our upbringing, cultural influences, faith convictions and past interpersonal relationships are but a few of the contributors to our sexual personalities.  However, if you are at an end of your rope as to how to get your inhibited spouse to ‘open up’, we provide some very general approaches to drawing them out and for kindling sexual exploration and adventure in your marriage.

 

Sexual intimacy requires mutual trust and a sense of relational security.  What this means to you is that your spouse (and you) needs to have a fundamental belief that you have their best interest at heart, think highly of them and that they can express things with you and to you as with no other.  Along those lines, getting past their barriers may require focused effort on your part.  We’ll share three approaches or strategies for your consideration.  The first:

 

A clearly communicated expression of what you want and need from your sexual relationship.  Because he/she may be averse to ‘hearing’ it, don’t say it verbally.  Write it.  Write a letter that has three components. 

 

The first is a reinforcement of your love for and commitment to your spouse.  Make it clear that you are looking to enhance intimacy in your marriage…which has no bearing on your love for them nor does it threaten the stability of your lifelong commitment to the marriage. 

 

The second component to the letter is an expression of what you want.  Be specific.  Let him or her know what areas you’d like to explore (lingerie, toys, etc.) to add different dimensions to your sex life.  Be clear that you are looking only to introduce things that you both ultimately find enhancing and don’t wish to force anything on them.  Be clear that you desire these things not because your husband or wife is insufficient but rather because you believe that, as with any area of a relationship, sexual intimacy can experience growth, be dynamic and couples can mature together there also. 

 

Thirdly, give them a means by which to answer you in written form.  Perhaps include a questionnaire he or she can complete that allows them to indicate what new things they’d be willing to try.  Make it multiple choices so that they can just check or circle an item.

 

The goal is to present your thoughts in as nonthreatening a way as possible.   Reinforcing our desire for change can be jarring for a spouse who less sexually mature or open than ourselves.  Give them space, be patient and be balanced in your own perception of the importance of the change you seek.  Our marriages are comprised of many things.  Sexual intimacy is but one aspect.  Be careful not to lose strengths while attempting to lead your mate toward new sexual discovery.

 

In the next installment, we’ll discuss introducing new sexual practices or behaviors to a sexually inhibited spouse.  If your spouse’s behavior can be linked to sexual trauma (molestation, rape, etc.), please seek counseling by a qualified pastor or therapist.  Their training will help both of you understand the path to emotional, mental and spiritual healing.

Please visit ThePureBed.com for all of your marital intimacy product needs!

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

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