Married Sex: Sexual Inhibitions Part III

 

This is the last of a three part series.  We’d like to share some strategies for dealing with sexually inhibited, introverted or repressed spouses.  And we do

 

To reiterate, the reasons are numerous as to why some spouses are intensely reluctant to openly share their sexual thoughts and desires…or to respond to yours! Our upbringing, cultural influences, faith convictions and past interpersonal relationships are but a few of the contributors to our sexual personalities.  However, if you are at an end of your rope as to how to get your inhibited spouse to ‘open up’, we provide some very general approaches to drawing them out and for kindling sexual exploration and adventure in your marriage.

 

Sexual intimacy requires mutual trust and a sense of relational security.  What this means to you is that your spouse (and you) needs to have a fundamental belief that you have their best interest at heart, think highly of them and that they can express things with you and to you as with no other.  Along those lines, getting past their barriers may require focused effort on your part.  We’ll share the second of three approaches or strategies for your consideration.  The final:

 

Continue to be affectionate with your spouse without expectation of being sexual immediately following.  This most often is a challenge for the husband.  However, there are wives who are not naturally affectionate or find it to be a greater effort than others.  Walk up behind your husband or wife while they are engaged in some task or chore, snuggle in behind him or her and simply, sincerely and softly express your love and affection.  Mark your calendar to bring her flowers 3 times in the next 3 months.   Cook his favorite meals every Friday for three consecutive weeks.  Buy or make your spouse a card that says how much you appreciate them.  These and any other similar efforts will reinforce that sense of trust and relational security of which I earlier spoke.  In any written communications, let your spouse know that he or she is the person that YOU trust most in your life and that you feel you can share everything in your life with them.  You are modeling the behavior you desire and may be slowly penetrating their sexual defenses.


Generally, be loving, kind and patient with your dear husband or wife.  His or her inhibition may be an issue of time (How long you’ve been together).  His or her introversion my be a personality feature.  It may be that he or she doesn’t want you to think they are not ‘virtuous enough’ for you.  By moderating and focusing your behavior, you initiate a relational paradigm shift.  Another way of saying that is you demonstrate the boundaries, expectations and character of the love-life you desire to have.  Your husband or wife can then discern or know what responses are appropriate and make the journey towards you…as you have made it towards them.

 

When your spouse begins to respond favorably, affirm their efforts and assure them that you welcome them. 

 

It must be said that sex is an inadequate substitute for relationship satisfaction.  If things are troubled in your marriage or there are overwhelming stressors, your spouse’s inhibitions may be a symptom of growing emotional disconnection.  This may be particularly true if he or she was more sexually open or more expressive and, suddenly, is not.  In this event, sexual discord is secondary to the relational discord…which must be addressed first!

 

 

It also must be said that sex is a means and not an end.  A relentless pursuit of sexual adventure purely and consistently for its own sake is a prescription for relationship failure.  Experience teaches us that those who accept sexual intimacy as an expression, condition and result of affection, respect, honor, desire, commitment and love are far better served then those who see it simply as physical gratification.  The former are givers.  The latter tend to be takers and are robbed of the opportunity for real intimacy.

 

Gotta go.  The soap box just collapsed again!

Please visit ThePureBed.com for all of your married couples’ intimacy product needs.

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

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