Married Sex: Trust Issues

You’ve heard it before.  What happens in the bedroom is often affected by what happens in the kitchen, the living room, the den, the driveway, on the telephone, through email, on the cellphone…  You get the picture?  The constant arguing, the growing resentment between you, the accusations and suspicions all point to behaviors indicative of mistrust.  Intimacy isn’t really happening in sex if there isn’t a fundamental trust between spouses.  Without trust, all you have are the cold distant mechanics of intercourse.  There can be so much more.

Trust is a precious commodity.  It isn’t given as a gift.  It is earned by others.   It is exchanged on the back of a presumption that our spouse’s good past performance against a set of standards is prologue to the future.  We trust because others show that they can and will consistently meet the expectations we have of them.

The trust we have in God differs from that of human relationships.  Trust in God is the root of faith in His sovereign right to do in our lives what He wills and an acceptance that His actions are always for our benefit.  God has already given great gifts and evidence of His love.  Faithful eyes can see them anew with each dawning day and we do not doubt God’s capacity to perform His every promise.

Trusting our spouses is about specifically believing that they are committed to acting in the best interest of the family which includes never purposely acting in ways that will break their vows to us, dishonor us or endanger us.

If a husband cannot satisfy those standards of trust, he can never have it from his wife.  This doesn’t automatically mean divorce.  However, there are marriages where a spouse WILL NOT work to gain trust and therefore cannot experience the benefits of it (i.e. healthy intimacy, unrestrained affection, open communication, emotional openness, etc.).

In particular, sexual intimacy suffers because motivations cannot be trusted and emotional vulnerability is no longer a feature of the love life.  In other words, your spouse isn’t going to perform oral sex on you.  And it is not because they don’t like to do such things or have them done.   It is because such acts appear demeaning when void of perceived affection, honor and a genuine commitment to love…by one or either spouse.

Perhaps, your sex life suffers not because of a lack of creativity, energy, time or attention.  Perhaps it suffers for lack of trust.  Are you meeting your spouse’s expectations…as a parent, friend, partner, lover or person?  If their expectations are unclear or unrealistic, have you discussed your feelings with them?   What have you done or are you doing to make the situation better?  Have you done all that you can?

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

One Response to Married Sex: Trust Issues

  1. Jerry says:

    Nice post. It’s refreshing to find a site that addresses the issue with such candor.

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