You Have Not Because You Ask Not

We, adults, know that the most direct way to get what you want is to ask for it.  Of course, the way you ask matters.  This truth applies to sex also you know?

I suppose being quiet during lovemaking can be sultry or sexy too.  It really is all about context and expectations.  Breathiness, deep guttural moans and contorted facial expressions also communicate something.  However, we ought not discount the value of speaking our minds at a strategic moment to secure the results we want.  In plainer terms?  “Ooh baby, don’t stop!  Yeah, stay right there…keep doing that…”

This is not a conversation about talking dirty (I hate that phrase by the way).  It’s a discussion about each spouse giving the other clear indication of what does and doesn’t work.  Why do we think an aspect of making love is psychic?  What other reason would lead to us wincing and squirming rather than just saying “wait, baby, that’s uncomfortable.”

The average healthy marriage is populated by a man and a woman who want to please each other.  This means that, if his rapid thrusting for deeper penetration is causing her pain, she’s going to say so and he’s going to adjust accordingly…without it becoming an issue or deflating his ego.  It also means that, if she’s in the cowgirl position but not doing much of anything up there, he’s going to be able to give her some direction on what might make it a better experience for him…without it becoming an issue or deflating her ego.

Confidence and competence are as necessary of tools in sex as they are in every other area of life.

Say what you want to get what you need.

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

2 Responses to You Have Not Because You Ask Not

  1. Hi, interesting post. I have been pondering this topic,so thanks for writing. I will definitely be coming back to your blog.

  2. Justtheoldbat says:

    Either I am clearly the world’s worst communicator, or my husband just doesn’t care! He had a problem with premature ejaculation (0-30 seconds). Admittedly, I ended up nagging him to “go to a doctor” (because he seemed thoroughly unconcerned)). After several months he went to a urologist, was given a mild antidepressant & now lasts 1-1 1/2 minutes.
    After he is “finished”, he uses his hand on me. But even though I make verbal suggestions & move his hand to show what feels good, within seconds he returns to doing the thing that seriously annoys me. It was only after several years of this that I realized I was having a worse & worse experience & finally complained & asked him to see a doctor.
    It even took months to get him to stop biting the daylights out of my neck! Apparently he has no concept of the difference between sexy little nibbles & painful bites that almost draw blood!
    Anyway, he tells me he wants some “shaky pudding” (puke! – NOT cute or sexy!)tonight & that’s the extent of our “romance”. I even initiated a movie date night at which he didn’t even bother to hold my hand.
    Last week I rather brazenly “attacked” him. He seemed excited & pleased – but still no hint of romance or “wooing” me since then. He wants sex, so I’m supposed to get myself “hot & bothered” (with NO input from him) enough to reach orgasm in 1 1/2 minutes (so I won’t have to deal with the reluctant juvenile fumbling after he’s done). Most of the time it’s just too painfully disappointing & exhausting to be worth the effort. I sometimes wonder if there’s someone else or if he’s gay. Why wouldn’t a man who claims to want sex bother to woo his wife just a little? We’ve been married 20 years, but I’m in pretty good shape (5’3″, 130 lbs). I wish he would throw me a few crumbs!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: