Transparency In The Moment

So you’re planting little kisses on hubby’s torso and you’ve just just begun to kiss his belly…when he tries to push your head down toward his penis.  It’s a bit of a turn off and the moment is slipping away.  What do you do?

You tell him how you feel.  Quickly and confidently, you let him know that you don’t appreciate what he’s doing and you’ll get there if and when you get there.  You also tell him that you’d prefer he use his words in that instance.  Done.  Move on…

You’ve just given her oral sex and she’s had an intense orgasm.  Breathless, she rolls off the bed to her feet and declares “I’m done.  Can you take care of yourself tonight, babe.  I’m exhausted.”  What do you do?

You tell her how you feel.  Quickly and confidently, you let her know that you need her to complete what you both have begun.  If intercourse can’t happen because she is too sensitive, clitorally, go over what you believe other options may be (oral on you, hand job). 

We have these conversations in controlled and compassionate ways.  We don’t demand.  We don’t yell.  but we do communicate, in the moment.  Why?  Because when we don’t do it in the moment, we end up A.) not doing it at all and getting more of the same behavior in the future or B.) Sharing our frustrations at some later time in nonconstructive ways because the frustrations have been added to in areas not related to intimacy (read: we’;re ticked off by something else so we bring up thse other events to make a point).

Animosity builds, frustration builds, a perception of selfishness develops and the old sexual desire for one’s spouse begins to take a nose dive.

Transparency is about showing our spouse our working parts…at work.  What you feeling, experiencing and needing should be shared in real time.  There are, clearly, exceptions.  However, transparency in real time should be the rule!

We’ll talk about this more in May’s edition of the Love Notes newsletter!

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

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