It Isn’t Sex That She’s Avoiding…


Hug (Photo credit: Cliph)

It isn’t sex that’s she’s avoiding [what the title said].  It’s you!

You are habitually selfish and disconnected.  You go too fast and do too little!  You are too heavy when you are on top and lack rhythm when you are on the bottom.  You sweat.  You rarely kiss…lovingly.  This isn’t porn.  It’s your wife you’re banging like a $10 prostitute.  You know?  The woman who nurtures your children and thinks the world of you.  Let’s talk.

I’m a guy.  I get it.  I know what we’ve learned and where we’ve learned it.  No.  Not all of us…but too many of us.  The guys in the schoolyard, on the team, in class, the movies, TV, books, magazines…even our fathers.  They promote conquest over commitment, deviance over devotion.  Love is soft.  Sex is hard.  ‘Let’s have sex!’  That’s how we feel.  Sex without responsibility, investment, attachment…it’s primal, instinctive, and fun.  Only, you’re the only one having fun!

She’s just there, waiting for you to finish the old ‘hump and slump’.  Your limp penis is the best thing happening to her tonight.  She is done.   She knows you are not even going to try to ‘satisfy’ her.  She’s tired and uninspired.  You think she’s just not into sex…because women don’t really care about it that much, right?  Wrong.

Women care about sex plenty.  Your wife cares about it.  She’s just caring less about it with you.  She’s tried to tell you in her own awkward frustrated little way.  When she talks about affection and affirmation, she’s talking about sex.  She calls it being tender, intimate or showing affection.  You hear ‘work’ when you should be hearing ‘opportunity’.

What’s a kiss, a hug, an “I love you’, a walk through the park, a cuddle on the couch during an episode of Lifetime’s Army Wives?  Are you really that dull to the dynamics of a healthy relationship as to believe that a cold and distant man can be seen as a ‘stud’ by his wife?  She wants sex plenty.  She’s just not inspired to want it with you.

You can change that…right now.  Go stand by her and wash the dishes, ask her about her day, share a hope or dream with her (she with you), hug her, kiss her (deeply), look into her eyes (eye, if she only has one) and tell her how much you love her, play with the kids while she relaxes, help straighten the den or living room, tell her you appreciate her, tell her why you appreciate her, ask her where she’d like to go this weekend and plan a date.

Look at all them choices!  Or, come home, plop down on the sofa, complain about how tired you are, play your video games, hang out with your friends, go to bed, look into her eyes (eye, if she only has one) and see the disappointment when she realizes that pretending to be sleep didn’t work again.

It’s not sex she’s avoiding.

Clearly, this doesn’t apply to every married man.  We’re not sure how many are guilty but too many are.  Most importantly, does it apply to you?

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

2 Responses to It Isn’t Sex That She’s Avoiding…

  1. prekrasan says:

    I seriously love this post way to go 🙂

  2. zipporah says:

    This is why you should tell your kids, yes your sons, to not look at porn and remain virgins till they marry. HEY they have 50+ YEARS, ‘LORD willing’ to PERFECT their orgasms!

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