Make It Happen! When She Does and He Doesn’t

Anecdotal, the number of women decrying their husband’s sex drive is increasingly public and desperate.  Raging against popular perceptions of stereotypical gender attitudes toward sex, many wives are saying ‘he has what I want and he’s not sharing!’  What’s up with that?

The reasons are numerous: I’m tired, I’m not in the mood, It’s too late, I have to finish this <fill in the blank>, after I finish this game, I just want to relax.  The wife is asking for sex and the husband is rebuffing her advances for the aforementioned so-called reasons.  How backwards is this?  the wife initiating sex and the husband’s turning her down?  Welcome to the Upside Down World!

Dutiful wives ask what can they do to reverse this trend.  Our answers are simple and effective only if his issues are not relational (the marriage itself is not broken) or physiological (his sexual response system is not broken).  The latter conditions are not deal breakers but require a trained person to provide guidance and remedy.

If hubby’s just lazy, dialed-out or generally non-responsive, try the following:

  1. Buy a calendar and dub it the ‘Sex Calendar’.  Mark a few days a week TS (Think Sex).  On these days, text him, call him or write him a note discreetly placed amongst his work things to arouse him.  Use your creativity to give rise to his sexual expectations for that night’s (morning’s) activities.  Arrange the day’s affairs so as to ensure there is time for some McLovin’!
  2. If fatigue is a chronic issue due to long work hours or increased workplace stress, use sex as a means of relaxation.  Volunteer to do the work, Momma.  After all, you’re the one with the drive…so drive.  lethim know you’ll ride him, choreograph the moves and own the responsibility of moving things along.  Start with an erotic massage.  Do what you do…and do it well.  Make it happen!
  3. Be sexually assertive.  Sit next to him while he plays his video game and ‘play him’!   Use your hands, mouth and any available physical resource to get him up…and in!  Don’t announce it.  Just do it! 
  4. Leverage convenience to achieve satisfaction.  Hop in the shower with him before bed or before work.  Make it happen!

One may take umbridge or object to the idea of having to be this proactive in changing the dynamics in a mrriage where the husband is sexually non-responsive…or, at least, to a lesser degree than his wife.  Fine.  There are those who might counsel that you talk more and give you pointers on what you should say and how.  That is appropriate.  We give such advice. 

However, it is worth noting that sometimes a husband won’t try as hard as he should.   Frustration sets in and dear wife becomes irritable and restless.  Not good.   Sometimes, what we want and need has to be worth going the extra mile.  These things tend to be seasonal and pass with time.  Before long, he’ll be chasing her around the house.  But until then, make it happen!

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

4 Responses to Make It Happen! When She Does and He Doesn’t

  1. km says:

    Also, give some thought to the lovemaking experience. Is it good, varied, exciting when it does happen? Or it is the same old script, without variation (or any of the activities that he wants), played out one more time?

  2. initiator says:

    Tried it all. Nothing worked.

  3. Ray says:

    Seems like a double standard here. What about all the years that the husband wanted sex but the wife was non responsive? I’m wearied by these kinds of news stories that make it seem like the wife wants sex more than the husband, when for the past 30+ years the wife was unwilling to do what the husband wanted to do in bed. Women can’t have it both ways!

  4. thepurebed says:

    As we stated, this scenario goes against the stereotypical mismatched libido wherein the man is the initiator and the wife the refuser.

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