Don’t Knock Unless The House Is On Fire!

Young black couple 458XSmallKeeping the ‘love’ alive or ‘finding time for romance’ are the challenges of many-a-couple who are nurturing young children and have hectic lives.  While the soccer practice, play-date, family-time regiment seems noble and natural in the course of family, there is an insidious and gradual diminution of the priority of the relationship between mom and dad.  In other words, mom and dad gradually forget about being husband and wife!  And how do we maintain the intimate character of the latter while serving the former?

My simplest answer is that successful couples make time for one another.  Be careful, however.  Looking for time when young children are involved is an effort steeped in frustration and fruitlessness.  Rather, identify opportunities to do the simple things that keep a marriage vibrant and healthy.

  • When apart, call each other at least twice a day.  Keep the conversation light.  Share how the day is going and encourage one another.
  • Take what you can get.  If you get 15 or 30 minutes of down time in the evening before bed, use it to touch base with one another.  Hug each other, kiss and/or talk about short term and long term plans for your shared future.  Many couples struggle to grow together because of their failure to articulate their vision of their shared future.  Doing so keeps you on track and connected.
  • Keep it simple.  If you can’t afford to have a date night, then make it a game night, movie night or dance night (in your own home).  Do things together as a couple…without the kids.  Whether you do it several times a week or just weekly, sharing quality time doesn’t have to be some phenomenal effort.
  • During their formative years, train your children to observe that mommy and daddy consistently reserve time to themselves.  This will payoff later as they learn what closed bedroom doors really mean.  DON”T KNOCK UNLESS THE HOUSE (or your little brother) IS ON FIRE!
  • While finding extended time to spend exclusively together (days at a time) may be challenging now, think of ways you can eventually make this time available.  While every marriage can experience seasons when couples struggle to be together, many marriages ultimately fail to realize a healthy level of intimacy because couples DO NOT prioritize one another. 

Feeling guilty about ‘leaving the kids’ or leaving them out is a product of an engrained idea that we are to sacrifice everything for our children.


When they are gone, we’ll have to still live with one another.  It is tragic to observe couples who, outside of the context of being parents, forget who they are in relationship to one another.

Keeping the attraction and a level of quality in our sex life has a lot to do with us liking one another.  Great sex is had by great friends who trust each other, get one another and are committed to one another’s pleasure and fulfillment.

Are you a Christian married couple?  Visit Our Intimate Choices Marriage Retreat’s website to learn about an exciting new weekend experience created for YOU!

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

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