Ice Cracking: A Deconstruction of Intimacy in Marriage

The lake freezes in mid-winter.  The icy sheet looks solid.  If you walk on it, you’ll get far enough thinking that all is well.  And then you hear it.  Pop!  Crack!  The ice is cracking.
It starts off with sex becoming less frequent.  It’s not that either spouse thinks the diminishing frequency of sex is healthy.  It has more to do with a cultural expectation that the quality and quantity of sex naturally diminishes.  It also has to do with the passive acceptance that exponentially increasing responsibilities displace opportunities for sexual intimacy.
In time, spouses adapt to a marriage where sex occurs monthly rather than weekly.  Couples will continue to complain and justify how ‘the other’ is the problem.  Intimate connection will be replaced with masturbation, pornography…and/or chocolate.  The attention of opposite-sex coworkers and acquaintances begin to appeal to us more.  Before you know it, a husband or wife is sharing intimate details of their sexual troubles and yearnings with someone other than their spouse.  And ‘the other’ in whom they are confiding is slowly (or not so slowly) drawn into a pseudo-intimate relationship…acting as a cheap and insubstantial surrogate for a sexually absentee spouse.
The ice is cracking.
Sex isn’t the most important thing in a marriage.  Sex is an important thing in marriage.   If the previous two statements seem contradictory to you then think about heat.  Yes, heat.  Heat isn’t the most important thing in life.  Heat is important.  It’s important situationally.  It’s important for cocoa, winter days, baths and cooking.
When a couple underestimates the power and purpose of sex, they begin that long dangerous walk onto a thin icy sheet.  Confiding intimate personal information to others while withholding your truest feelings from your spouse, spending undisclosed time with opposite sex friends, imagining what it would like to not be married and growing resentment toward one’s spouse…is the ice cracking?
If you are close enough to dry land, you can just turn around and walk back to save yourself.  In other words, open up lines of communication.  Become transparent and work hard to restore a sense of intimacy to your marriage.  Sometimes, we are too far out and need help.  Counseling has to be an option for the couple who acknowledges they lack the tools to fix what may be broken.
Some will say that diminishing frequency of sex means there is something else wrong in the marriage.  Maybe.  Or it may just be that sex is the one area in our marriage that few people speak to us positively about.  We hear it’s suppose to be bad and behave accordingly. 
Whatever the circumstance that got you on to the ice…get off!  (Did I just say that?)
Connect with on Facebook.  We want to be your married couples intimacy store!  Or visit, your married couples intimacy store.

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

4 Responses to Ice Cracking: A Deconstruction of Intimacy in Marriage

  1. Ken Kendall says:

    This is so true. A marriage that has lost the value of intimacy between husband and wife is in trouble.

    I write a blog about marriage and how men can better love their wives. I hope you all will check it out when you have a chance.


  2. Pingback: oakeyness » Blog Archive » bed direct

  3. Nat says:

    First of all I don’t like touching my wife thats creepy. I try not to have her touch me, Married 43 years and sexless and loveless. Developed E/D years ago
    and thats when everything stopped sex and love. There is no way to mend our marriage not enough time left in our lifetime.
    About 25 years ago was the last time for any sex I think. Its hard to remember. In fact I hadn’t seen my wife naked in about the same amount of time. We always change clothes in different bath rooms. We don’t go to bed at the same time so one of us is always asleep. Its also to late to end our marriage, that wouldn’t
    help the situation. So we have become friends, not close but just friends that stay out of each others way.

  4. thepurebed says:

    Nat, it is sad that approaching a half century of marriage, this is where you both have arrived.

    We pray that the miraculous occurs and choices are made that revitalize the marriage. Thank you for visiting our blog.

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