Oral Sex: Givers and Receivers

The act of oral sex has many idiomatic references in our English language.  Giving head, going down, eating out, and blow job are but a few.  Whatever your reference of choice, for those married couples who use it as a feature of sexual play, it can be a powerfully intimate experience OR an incredible let down!

While the level of skill exercised by the giver is a great factor in how much pleasure is experienced by the receiver, the importance of the mind as a sex organ should not be overlooked.

The Giver.  This is the spouse administering oral sex.  You must commit to the act of making love to your spouse’s genitalia.  While oral sex is, by its very definition, an act committed by the mouth, the entire body is at your disposal as you seek to please your spouse.  It is important you understand that your initiation technique, the extent to which your hands are engaged and your body language will immediately establish an expectation on the part of your partner.  If you appear hesitant, the quality of the experience may be lesser for both of you.

Consider how much pleasure you are able to give him/her by this simple act.  Consider how much power to satisfy you possess and the euphoric feeling of utter ecstasy you give.  Enjoy these aspects of oral sex and challenge yourself to do the best you can.  Make it your mental goal to give a mind blowing experience.  If nothing else, understand that you can only really reasonably expect to regularly ‘receive’ what you regularly ‘give’.

The Receiver.  This is the spouse who is receiving oral sex.  You must commit to mentally focusing on the experience at hand.  Your spouse is ready and willing to blow your mind.  However, the mind can be its own worst enemy.

To avoid this, work to address (with giver’s help) potential distractions prior to settling down.  Lock the bedroom door.  Make sure the kids have already used the bathroom before bed.  Turn off the television.  Turn on music but be careful not to choose your favorite station with your favorite DJ who may serve to pull you away mentally with his charming or engaging banter or catchy commercials.

Typically, oral sex is a cleaner proposition than kissing when the genitals are properly cleaned and the participants are healthy.  However, the genitals should be cleaned routinely!  We recommend you discuss from the outset what will be your phrase(s) for letting your spouse know to make special preparation to receive oral love.  Of course, it can be really erotic to just say “I want to taste your nectar tonight…” or some similar words that are more or less direct.  The key is to be prepared on both sides and remove barriers to a completely fulfilling experience.

There is benefit from time to time in just taking your lover without announcement and without preparation.  Spontaneously pleasuring them in this manner can be an intensely erotic form of sexual play by the giver which communicates a comfort and trust that is undeniable and which promotes greater intimacy.  Women may have concerns about vaginal odor.  Our spouse’s scent can be a powerful tool toward arousal.  Our genitals emit pheromones which are a potent aphrodisiac. 

Know each other’s emotional and physical boundaries.

You owe it to your spouse to disengage from thoughts about the day’s activities or tomorrow’s demands.  In this time and space, you belong to them and them to you.   This is the moment in your marriage where it can be said, objectively, that you give yourself to the one that you love.  Make sure it is all of you.

Sexual acts qualify as intimate only when they serve to draw the attention of lovers toward one another.  If you commit to being mentally present for the experience, you lighten the load on your spouse and maximize your potential to get the best benefit.  In other words, it helps that you prepare yourself to ‘receive’ what is ‘given’.

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

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