Glowing Together While Growing Apart-Part II

Riding the high!

That’s what we are doing when the energy of our marital relationship rests on the great firsts.  At best, the high of the wedding and honeymoon bleeds into the high of living together for the first time.   Often, couples quickly conceive, in part, to start building their family.  But, also, some see it as a natural evolution of the relationship to produce kids and experience the pregnancy-high!

The problem with this kind of thinking is that the marriage becomes an institution for managing life events rather than a real relationship bonding the hearts of couples and producing emotional, spiritual and physical (sexual) oneness.

Each ‘high’ wanes and leaves the spouses craving for another like so many drug addicts compulsive and obsessive for another fix.  Unfortunately, as with most drug addicts, subsequent events lack the intensity of previous ones.  And when the marriage is no longer yielding what is needed and desired, spouses begin to look outside (rather than inside) for a fix.

What needs to happen?

Couples must be intentioned-minded and visionary about their relationship.   Marriage requires a level of commitment as well as love.  Love, more than an emotion, is a capacity to devote one’s self to another even to a degree of personal sacrifice.

When our marriages see love in this light, we are better positioned to cast a vision for our lives together that serves both our interests, promotes both our dreams and connects on all levels of growth such that we begin to grow together rather than apart.

The converse of this is often that emotional love promotes affectionate behavior for sensual intimacy but not mental or emotional development that makes couples mentally intimate.  These couples are the hugging, kissing newlyweds who seem inseparable.  Yet, in unseen quarters they have little to talk about when alone, cannot understand what motivates the other and is clueless as to what each truly needs and expects from the other.  Their’s is a marriage with a short shelf life.

Leverage the capacity of your love to bond your marital relationship in a way that leaves you less reliant on events to excite your marriage and more reliant on your mutual devotion to drawing closer to one another in heart and mind…as well as in body.

  • Share with one another what you think the future holds for you as an individual (career, education, ministry, etc.)
  • Share with one another what you think the future hold for you as a family (nurturing and disciplining children at each phase of life, education, vacations, community involvement, encouraging faith and religion, etc.)
  • Make time to devote your attentions to one another exclusive of your children (Date nights, mini-vacation, full vacations, time out with other adult married friends, etc.)
  • Share a hobby, interest, pray together regularly, read the same book and talk about it, volunteer to join a ministry together,  or even consider volunteering for a local candidate’s campaign together (school board, mayor, state level legislator, etc.)

Spending time with one another, investing in one another’s lives and growing together as a couple will provide a level of cohesion in your marriage that will help you endure harsher seasons of life when resilience will be needed. 

In Part III, we discuss what healthy marital growth looks like and how to make sure the outward glowing of your marriage reflects the inward growing in your marriage.

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

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