8 Things Wise Husbands Learn

Wisdom is more than knowledge.  It is, in part, knowing when and how to apply what we know as well as what to do to remedy our ignorance.  And marriage WILL expose our ignorances.  Thus, to help new husbands, men aspiring to wed and husbands who understand the importance of remaining teachable…we offer these 8 things that wise husbands learn.

In no particular order, a wise husband learns:

1. When to resist the urge to “solve her problems”.  Often, when a wife shares her issues or concerns about things outside the home, she just wants a sounding board.  She wants to pour out her heart about a particular issue or event and get empathy and encouragement.  Actively listen.  Ask clarifying questions.  Share appropriately reassuring responses.  She’ll queue you when she wants more.  Just be a friend.

2. Being head of the home doesn’t make one the brains.  Women often have a unique perception of the world.  While men seem to be more task oriented, women tend toward being more relational.  As such, wives may perceive things in ways husband do not and bring interesting, creative or even superior solutions to the table.  Wise husbands listen to their wives as invaluable partners in life.

3. A husband’s words are worth a fraction of his actions.  Those husbands who continually promise to do and don’t are inviting their wives to question their reliability.  It is better to be a man of fewer words and more action than to be a man of many words and little or NO action.

4. To share his heart with his wife.  How much of it is nature and how much nurture is hard to know and likely varies among men and cultures…but many if not most men are loathed to be emotionally and mentally transparent with their wives.  Being guarded is equal to being intimately unavailable.  And this impacts everything from trust to sex.  A fuller measure of a man’s love means he shares not only what he has but who he is.

5. How to respond to “tricky” questions.  Wisdom helps a husband to know how to temper truth with compassion so that he can maintain integrity–his and hers.  And he understands how to discipline his wit!  When a wife asks “Honey, do I look big in these pants?”, which of the following answers could the wise husband use? (Choose all that apply.)

Husband’s answer(s):
A. Is the Pope Catholic?
B. So, what’s for dinner?
C. Only in all the right places!
D. I’m biased.  I only ever see you as beautiful.
E. How do you see yourself in them? [Follow up] Would you feel more comfortable in a different pair?

6. A man’s most important  assignment or ministry in his life is his family.  If he solves all of the world’s problems or saves all of the savage natives and loses his own family, he is an unsuccessful man.

7. Half-hearted foreplay is foul play. A thriving sex life in a marriage demands mutual generosity.  And a husband must be as enthusiastic about giving as he is about getting.  This is NOT so that he can get what he gives.  He gives but he gets pleasure from pleasing his wife.

8. A northern strategy can make for a more successful southern invasion!  He learns that the mechanics of intercourse won’t get them to intimacy.  He learns that making love to his wife’s heart, mind, mouth, ears and eyes are as important as what he does to the lower parts of her body.

Even if couples take the best premarital course available, there is certain wisdom that is well learned in the course of doing.   If we are attentive to one another in the marriage…if we listen to each other, we will become students of one another.  Wisdom is the payoff for paying attention!

About ThePureBed
Welcome and thanks for giving us a once over! Our blog celebrates and honors sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

6 Responses to 8 Things Wise Husbands Learn

  1. Mavis McKnight says:

    Good morning! I loved this post because it is so on point! Each one of the “Wise” things is exactly that, WISE! I am doing a series on “What a Good Wife Knows” and I want to use this article to give the Wives something to refer to when they are using their feminine gentleness and gift of influence in sharing what things matter to them. I especially loved number 8 about the northern and southern strategy! So, so true! I am happy and blessed to be able to say my hubby already practices these “Wise” things. I love the word wisdom because that is what it takes to have a special, happy, enduring, great marriage. This article is extremely important because a lot of men don’t really have a clue and most are too ego-centric to listen to other men when it comes to suggestions on how to treat a woman especailly sexually. I hope there are many men that will be exposed to this imformation and be willing to implement it. The teachable and student comments are our favorites. My hubby and I always say and practice this: You must be teachable and be a student of each other. So, so true! I love it. Keep it up!

  2. thepurebed says:

    Thank you for your response. Please check your email for TPB’s response to your request.

  3. Chaud says:

    Great article. I agree with all eight things listed; however, 6, 7 and 8 attracted my attention instantly.
    The success of a man’s life should always be based on his success first as a husband and father in his home. If more men acknowledged this, men would work more diligently to shine in that light.
    Additionally, as a wife for 17 years and a mother for 9 years, I would agree 100% that foreplay must be a conscious commitment and it weighs heavily on the health of the marriage. However, I believe most women would agree that this shouldn’t only occur right before sex. Foreplay can start at the beginning of the day (some call it romance). Offering compliments to your wife on her body or the way she looks in her clothes. Subtle caress on the arm while she prepares breakfast for the children, or perhaps offer the unexpected kiss on the back of her neck. This collides with having “successful southern invasion” (I love this phrase). Small blasts of excitement throughout the day are sure to offer you an evening of unimaginable delight!

  4. Pingback: 8 Things Wise Husbands Learn | brendanwitton.com

  5. Pingback: 8 Things Wise Wives Learn « The Pure Bed's Blog

  6. Pingback: 10 things my husband can’t do « stayoutofmyhead

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